Ascent Healing

Being a ritual abuse survivor, its probably understandable why I hate halloween. I’m bringing this up because since I work with a lot of trauma survivors, there are many various times of the year that are difficult for people. Anniversaries of traumatic events, deaths of family members, etc… are very hard months for people to get through. It isn’t enough to say, ”Well its just another day of the year” because it isn’t like any other day of the year to a trauma survivor. For me, the entire month of October is hard. I’m surrounded by halloween decor everywhere I look at the store or driving around the neighborhood are ghosts and creepy things that are festive for other people but huge upsetting things for me. I could probably say that October for me is probably similar to what July is for a veteran in terms of triggering things.

So I thought I would take this opportunity to write about how I deal with having a hard month so other people could hear the types of coping skills a therapist uses to get through tough times. And the answer to that is I use the same skills I teach my clients! I use mindfulness like the 5 things technique I talked about in a prior blog post. I hold my pets; I have several cats and two bunnies. Sometimes I bring one of my bunnies to work and clients typically love that. I use deep breathing skills. I do a lot of art therapy and craft projects. I play video games to distract sometimes. I write in a journal to get my feelings out. I talk it out with a trusted friend or family member.

When faced with a trigger, I remind myself that what I’m seeing is a trigger and it is reminding me of something that happened in my past that isn’t happening now. I validate the memory that is being triggered by acknowledging it at the same time I remind myself I am older now, where I am, what year it is, and how my life is different now. And sometimes its ok to be kind to the sad feelings that triggers evoke and let myself cry. So let yourself cry sometimes.

Another thing I try to do is re-invent the holiday that is giving me trouble and try to face it in a healthy way. For example, I made several halloween decorations this year while reminding myself to stay in the present. I thought of the things I like about halloween like the colors, pumpkin spice (yes, I’m a fan), pumpkins, the leaves changing colors, etc. I try to focus on those things instead of the scary stuff that upsets me. I try to desensitize by facing my fear and painting a skull (at the top of this blog) or making something a little scary that I know I have made and is safe because I made it. I try to include service into my holiday by making fall holidays cards to send to people and let them know I care about them. There are many ways you can change a bad time of year to make it your own. I’m not saying it is easy. It may take time over several years to reclaim that time of year as your own. And it is doable. Do not let your memories of the past continue to have power over you. Slowly take that power back one step at a time.